hiding the true you

 I recently spent some time learning about and attuning to Archangel Ariel, and while doing so I was reminded about a time when I was hiding the true me from my family.

What triggered the memory was when I wrote this about Archangel Ariel in another blogpost:

"She is known as a peaceful warrior and will help us speak our truth, act our truth and follow our truth, in a strong and determined yet peaceful and loving way. At times when we, perhaps, struggle to say how we feel for fear of hurting another's feelings, at times when we, perhaps, have held back on what we really wanted to do because it wasn't in line with, for example, family beliefs or values, Archangel Ariel, when called upon, will give us the strength to follow our conviction in a loving, non-confrontational way."

For fear of causing difficulties, for fear of too many questions, for fear of feeling I'd let those around me down, everytime I returned back to my birth country to visit my family and friends in the last few years, I conformed to their way of living even though it went against my own values and beliefs. To avoid making life difficult for them, to avoid being considered awkward, to avoid having my new-found values and beliefs being questioned, I put everyone else's feelings head and shoulders above my own; I broke my own personal values and beliefs in order to fit in and keep peace with those around me whom I love.

And whilst behaving in such a way ensured that my visits went smoothly, that no-one (apart from me) was made to feel awkward or put out, my self-love was non-existent, and I was placing my wants and needs at the bottom of the pile; behaviour that is deeply damaging to the soul.

So each time, after I'd been to visit my family, I returned back home feeling vibrationally heavy. I'd chastise myself for not having the backbone to stand up for my beliefs, for being a people-pleaser first and a Viv-pleaser last, for failing in my practice of self-love.

And before long I stopped looking forward to my visits because I knew I was hiding my true, authentic self.

So before my last visit I made the decision that, this time, I was going to 'come clean' and 'come out of the closet' and be honest with my family and, most importantly, myself. I had to find the strength to put my beliefes above my familial beliefs. At the time I didn't work much with Archangel Ariel so I called upon Archangel Michael for courage and, as I usually do, "any other angels who can support me". I have no doubt that Archangel Ariel stepped up and guided me because when the opportunity to reveal myself honestly and truly to my parents arose, I was able to do so with strength, conviction and in a loving way.

And in return, I wasn't met with the barage of questions and "why's?" I expected, I wasn't met with disappointed faces, and my lifestyle choice didn't cause the difficulties I had foreseen.

Indeed, you could almost say it was underwhelming. I had been prepared to answer awkward questions, I had been prepared to face disagreement, I had been prepared to have to defend my choices. Instead, I do not doubt, Archangel Ariel had paved the way for me.

And the feeling of relief was beautiful. The lightness felt amazing. And I returned home after that visit feeling vibrationally intune with myself.

You might be thinking "what on earth did you reveal to your family, Viv? It must be HUGE!"

I've purposely kept this hidden until now because I wanted you to, hopefully, relate to my experience - where you may have hidden the true you from someone(s) you love.

My revelation was: I'm a vegetarian.

That may not sound like much of a revelation, but to me it was huge. I was brought up in a family wher you ate meat at least once a day, where meat was considered a necessary (and enjoyable) source of protein (the only possible source of protein), where a diet without meat was considered unhealthy, and where I watched the confusion in my parents' faces and their difficulty to cope when my older sister "went through a phase" of being vegetarian many years ago.

I know I did cause some disappointment and confusion when I joined my parents for a buffet meal in a local hotel and chose the vegetarian option. I know they were observing me while I ate to see if I really was enjoying my meal and questioning, when I asked to take the remainder of the over-sized protion, home, if I would have preferred to blend in with everyone else. But, to be honest, that wasn't anything overly challenging for either myself or my parents to deal with. And it's certainly set the scene to make future visits easier and more enjoyable for us all.

It was also after that positive experience that I began to more openly share my lifestyle choice (and why I made that choice) in some blogposts. I have always held back because I was scared that people might think I was ramming my beliefs down their throats - I didn't want to come across as an animal activist condemning anyone who touched meat, never mind ate it. I'm not an aggressive person.

However, what my experience taught me was that to be true to who we are deep inside, to honour our soul, it's important to be open and honest with those we come in contact with. It doesn't mean that I walk around with a sandwich board condemning those who choose to eat meat, it doens't mean that when you meet me I introduce myself with "Hi, I'm Viv and I'm a vegetarian". All it means is that should the topic come up in conversation or should I join you for a meal, I no longer hide the true me for fear of upsetting, offending, or disappointing you.

I am true to who I am. And I invite you to be true to who you are.

 

Viv xx