it’s not me, it’s you

I recently broke up with a client.

Unlike many breakups, I didn’t use or imply the “It’s not you, it’s me” adage to try to soften the blow, to make them feel better. Because I knew, in the long run, it would not do them any favours.

Rather I advised them, gently yet with honesty, that I could no longer support or work with them. That, in our relationship it was a case of “It’s not me, it’s you”.

You see, it wasn’t because I didn’t have the capabilities to support them. I had and have plenty of techniques and intuitive insights at my disposal. The reason I broke up with them was that they came to me for support and guidance, however they were unwilling to do the work, to take the necessary actions so they could progress and move forward to a better place.

I had been working with this client for some time so it wasn’t an easy choice to make. However, I had to put myself, my energy, my welfare, first.

That might sound harsh to you, putting my needs above that of a client’s. However, if I didn’t, I was going to end up trapped in no-man’s land, offering guidance and advice, the client hearing it yet not acting on it, and staying stuck in the same trap they came to me about.

When you’re a healer or a mentor or someone who can support and guide another, you will attract a whole myriad of clients your way, especially in the beginning when you haven’t yet developed the confidence in your abilities and are keen to work with and support anyone.

However, not everyone who comes to you, not everyone who seeks guidance through you, not everyone who says they want to be healed actually wants to be healed. As uncomfortable as their life is, as challenging as their life may be, it’s what they know, it’s what they understand and, in a strange way, it’s what they’ve become accustomed to and are comfortable with. So, changing that, even though it would be for the better, is actually more uncomfortable and frightening to them than actually just getting on with things as they currently are.

And that’s fine.

Healing and to be healed is a choice we make as individuals. And we can only be healed when we, the individual, decide it’s time to heal… a realisation that, for many, can take years or decades.

My client wasn’t at the place where they wanted to be healed. They were still in the mindset that, whilst moving on to a more fulfilled life was attractive, they couldn’t yet commit to it.

I had supported and worked with them long enough to realise that, honestly, I was banging my head against a brick wall. They were more frightened of change than they were of remaining stuck. And I, and no-one else, has the authority or right to force healing and change on them.

And so I broke up with them.

I could have continued to work and support them. And I know they would have happily shown up for their regular appointments, each time declaring they were ready for change, yet unable to embrace it. However, I knew that continuing the relationship and continuing to work with this client would cause more damage, to me, than good.

It’s never easy losing a client and losing the reliable income that comes with them (after all, we all have bills to pay). It’s even more difficult telling a client that your relationship, as it currently stands, has come to an end. Breakups are never easy, for either party.

However, in every relationship it’s vital that your needs are being met, that your energy is being replenished through the relationship, that you are of value and can contribute to the relationship.

If you are not receiving as much as you are giving in a relationship then it’s time to review its value.

In my relationship with my client, I was giving and sharing advice and guidance, as well as offering healing. Whilst during our calls, my client was listening to the advice and guidance, resonating with all I shared, and expressing willingness to take the steps I recommended for them, when left on their own to take action, they simply couldn’t follow through. And that meant that when we met again, they had made little-to-no progress and were no further forward.

I wanted to help and support them. However, I knew I couldn’t, only they could through action, not inaction. It got to the stage that I no longer looked forward to our appointments, I no longer had fun during our calls, and my energy was zapped afterwards. Their inability (not unwillingness, simply inability) to take action, to embrace change was, I knew, impacting and affecting my energy, my vibration and, ultimately, my health.

So, I made the difficult decision to break up so I could repair my energy and vibration to free up space for new clients who are ready and able to heal.

As healers, mentors, guides, we are not here to work with and serve everyone, and nor should we try. We do our best work when we’re working with clients we connect with and enjoy being with because they raise our vibration and, when you’re in a high vibration, you better connect with the energies around you who wish to support you in your work, you better link in with the Universe and your higher self, and you better tune into your intuition.

A client relationship is just like any other relationship – both parties must reap the rewards of being part of it. Often we forget that when we choose to work with, support, mentor, and offer healing to clients. All too often we trick ourselves into believing that we should be only givers in a client relationship, not receivers. And yet, if any relationship becomes imbalanced where one party always only gives whilst the other only receives or is not fully invested, it can and will quickly become unhealthy. A client relationship is no different.

So, even though we choose to serve, to support, to guide, and to heal others, first and foremost we still have to put ourselves first, otherwise we are doing a dis-service to our energy, our soul, and all our other current and potential clients with whom we should enjoy a healthy and fruitful relationship.

Is there anyone, client or otherwise, that you should let go of in your life in order to maintain a healthy energy and vibration?

Viv xx