your inner saboteur

We often think of self-sabotage as a conscious act - procrastination, indecision, fear of success, or even destructive habits. What if, though, the real culprit behind these behaviours isn't you, the rational adult, rather a wounded, scared, and unheard version of yourself?

Your inner child is still alive within you, influencing your thoughts, choices, and actions, often in ways you don’t realise. And when that child is carrying unhealed wounds… it can wreak havoc on your financial stability, relationships, career, and overall happiness.

Understanding how your inner child sabotages you is the first step toward healing. Let’s explore the ways your childhood fears and unmet needs could be keeping you stuck in self-destructive patterns and, most importantly, how to work with your inner child rather than against it.

Your Inner Child and Money: Scarcity, Fear, and Guilt

Do you struggle with financial security?

Do you feel guilty when you spend money on yourself?

Or maybe no matter how much you earn, you always seem to end up back in the same place, struggling to save or grow your wealth.

Your inner child may be at the root of these financial difficulties.

If you grew up in a household where money was tight, you may have absorbed the belief that money is scarce and difficult to come by. As a result, as an adult, you might unconsciously sabotage opportunities for financial growth, believing deep down that financial security isn’t for you.

What if your caregivers fought over money or used financial stability as a tool of control? As an adult, you might associate money with conflict or emotional distress meaning you may subconsciously avoid wealth because it triggers feelings of anxiety or guilt.

If, on the other hand, you were taught that wanting more is greedy or selfish, you might sabotage your ability to ask for a raise, set fair prices for your services, or invest in your own needs.

Do any of these examples ring true for you as a child? Then it could very well be that your inner child is sabotaging your relationship with money.

What do you do if this rings true for you? I have a few suggestions that you could follow to help you heal your inner child in relation to money and finances:

• Recognise where your financial beliefs originated. Ask yourself: What messages did I receive about money growing up?

• Give yourself permission to rewrite those beliefs. Replace thoughts like “I’ll never have enough” with “I am capable of financial security and abundance.”

• Start small: Save in a way that makes you feel secure, not deprived. Treat yourself occasionally without guilt.

Your Inner Child and Love: Fear of Abandonment, Rejection, and Unworthiness

If you find yourself in toxic relationships, fear intimacy, or constantly push away potential partners, your inner child may well be trying to protect you from past wounds. Love is one of the deepest areas where childhood experiences shape our adult realities.

If you experienced abandonment (physical or emotional) as a child, you may find you cling too tightly to relationships, fearing that people will leave you if you’re not “good enough.”

Alternatively, if you were criticised or made to feel unworthy as a child, you might struggle with self-worth issues in relationships which may lead to you settling for less than you deserve or even tolerating mistreatment and abuse.

If, on the other hand, love felt conditional when you were growing up where you were only praised when you achieved something, for example, you might believe you have to “earn” love through over-giving, people-pleasing, or suppressing your needs.

Or perhaps you were hurt in past relationships. In such cases, your inner child might try to protect you by pushing people away, convincing you that love will only lead to pain.

Do any of these suggestions feel familiar? Then the following ideas might help you to heal your inner child in relation to love and relationships:

• Recognise that love is not something you have to prove yourself worthy of - it is your birthright.

• Practice self-compassion. Treat yourself as you would a beloved child who deserves kindness and care.

• Heal abandonment fears by building inner security. Remind yourself that you are whole, with or without external validation.

Your Inner Child and Career: Fear of Failure, Fear of Success, and Playing Small

Your career is another area where your inner child can sabotage your progress. If you’ve ever felt stuck in a job you detest, if you’re afraid to take risks, or even if you’re convinced you’re not “good enough” to pursue your dreams, it might not be laziness or lack of talent holding you back, it could well be unresolved childhood fears.

For example, if you were frequently criticised or compared to others as a child, you may struggle with imposter syndrome, believing you’re not truly capable or deserving of success.

Or perhaps you were discouraged from taking risks or making mistakes as a child. As a result, you might avoid career changes, business ventures, or taking on leadership roles out of fear of failing.

What if success had been met with resentment or negative attention when you weregrowing up? You might now subconsciously sabotage your progress, fearing that success will lead to rejection or increased pressure.

Or your parents and/or teachers may have pushed you toward a career that wasn’t aligned with your passions. As an adult, you might feel trapped in work that doesn’t fulfill you yet are too afraid to step into something different.

Do any of these examples strike a chord with you? If they do, here are some suggestions to help you heal your inner child in relation to your career:

• Challenge your self-doubt by asking: What would I do if I weren’t afraid of failure?

• Take small steps toward your goals, proving to your inner child that risk-taking is safe.

• Give yourself permission to redefine success - not as something to fear, rather as something you deserve.

Your Inner Child and Happiness: Resistance to Joy and Self-Sabotage

Do you ever feel like happiness is just out of reach? Like every time things start going well, something happens to ruin it? That’s your inner child stepping in, often due to deeply ingrained beliefs that happiness is either undeserved or is unsafe.

If you grew up in an unstable home, your nervous system might be wired to expect chaos. As a result, you may subconsciously and unwittingly create problems just to feel “normal.”

Or what if your parents were unhappy? You, in turn, might feel guilty experiencing joy, as if you don’t have the right to be happy when they weren’t.

Perhaps you were taught as a child that suffering is noble or that happiness is fleeting. This kind of teaching might lead you to believe that good things will always be taken away.

And what if you experienced emotional neglect? This could result in you struggling with self-care and feeling unworthy of prioritising your own well-being.

If these examples hit home with you, perhaps follow some of the advice I share here:

• Start recognising and allowing joy in small ways: laughter, play, creativity, rest.

• Remind yourself daily: I am allowed to be happy. Happiness is safe.

• Engage in activities that bring you joy, even if they seem “childish” or “unproductive.” Your inner child needs play and freedom.

Healing your inner child isn’t about shaming yourself for past experiences, it’s about compassionately re-parenting yourself. You get to be the loving, supportive presence that your younger self needed. For example, give yourself what you missed as a child, the encouragement, the security, the love – be your biggest cheerleader. Allow yourself time to play and create. Do things you enjoyed as a child such as dancing, painting, exploring. Journal about your childhood wounds and validate all and any emotions that arise. And speak kindly to yourself as you would a loved child, with reassurance and love, especially when negative self-talk kicks in.

Remember: your inner child isn’t purposely trying to sabotage you, they’re trying to protect you with the only strategies they know. When you acknowledge and heal your wounds, you unlock a new level of personal freedom, allowing yourself to step fully into your power.