your inner child: what? why? how?

Your inner child. Do you know who they are? Do you have a connection with them? Indeed, are you aware you even have an inner child?

Let's explore the concept of the inner child, why it's important to connect with them, and how your inner child may be impacting your adult life. Because your inner child’s influence extends further than you might think. They even actively shape your adult experiences, which is why it's so important to get to know and understand your inner child and, where needed, offer them nurturing and healing.

Let's start with what (or who) your inner child is.

The concept of the inner child refers to the part of you that retains emotions, memories, and experiences from childhood. Essentially, it is the essence of your younger self - the part that not only felt joy, wonder, and creativity, they also experienced pain, fear, and disappointment. In the same way tat, as an adult, you have both a shadow and light side (and that's a whole other topic of discussion!), your inner child carries both the light and shadow aspects of your formative years, influencing your beliefs, behaviours, and emotional responses as the adult you are today.

Psychologists and spiritual practitioners alike emphasise the importance of acknowledging the inner child. "The child you once were lives on within you, whispering truths you may have forgotten. Listen, heal, and set them free" ~ unknown.

Your inner child, a subconscious aspect of yourself, holds onto unresolved wounds and unmet needs from childhood, which can manifest in your relationships, career, and personal fulfillment. By understanding and healing your inner child, you can reclaim a sense of wholeness as well as emotional freedom.

Why Is It Important to Connect with Your Inner Child?

Connecting with your inner child is one of the most profound journeys of self-discovery and healing you can embark on. Deep within you, the child you once were still exists - holding onto early experiences, emotions, dreams, and wounds. Whether you consciously acknowledge it or not, your inner child influences how you react to situations, form relationships, handle challenges, and perceive yourself. By reconnecting with this part of yourself, you open the door to healing past pain, reclaiming joy, and breaking free from unconscious patterns that may be holding you back. Below are a few reasons which highlight the importance of connecting with your inner child.

Healing Childhood Wounds and Emotional Scars - many of us carry unresolved emotional wounds from childhood - times when we felt abandoned, rejected, unworthy, or unseen. These wounds don’t simply disappear with age; they manifest in our adult lives through fears, insecurities, and self-sabotaging behaviours. When you connect with your inner child, you allow yourself to revisit these past experiences with compassion. You acknowledge the pain, validate those feelings, and offer yourself the love and reassurance that you may not have received at the time. Healing childhood wounds leads to emotional freedom, greater self-acceptance, and an improved sense of self-worth.

Breaking Unconscious Patterns That Limit You - have you ever noticed yourself reacting to situations in ways that seem irrational or overly emotional? Perhaps you feel an intense fear of abandonment in relationships, a deep-rooted need to prove yourself, or overwhelming guilt when prioritising your own needs. These patterns often stem from unmet childhood needs and past conditioning. Your inner child is still trying to protect itself from past pain, even though the circumstances have changed. By reconnecting with your inner child, you can identify and dismantle these unconscious patterns, allowing you to respond to life with greater clarity, maturity, and empowerment.

Rediscovering Joy, Creativity, and Playfulness - children are naturally imaginative, curious, and full of wonder. However, as adults, we often suppress these qualities in favour of responsibility and productivity. We become weighed down by societal expectations, self-doubt, and the fear of looking foolish. Reconnecting with your inner child re-ignites your sense of play, creativity, and spontaneous joy. Whether it’s through artistic expression, laughter, adventure, or simple pleasures, embracing your inner child allows you to experience life with more vibrancy and enthusiasm.

Developing Self-Compassion and Emotional Resilience - many of us are far kinder to others than we are to ourselves. We criticise, judge, and berate ourselves in ways we would never speak to a friend or loved one. Your inner child needs to feel safe, loved, and accepted- not ridiculed or shamed. By nurturing this part of yourself, you cultivate self-compassion, allowing yourself to be imperfect and human without harsh self-judgment. This, in turn, builds emotional resilience, helping you navigate life’s challenges with a greater sense of inner security and self-trust.

Strengthening Your Relationships - the way you relate to your inner child often mirrors the way you relate to others. If your inner child feels neglected, you may struggle with deep emotional connections. If they feel unworthy, you may settle for less than you deserve. If they fear vulnerability, you may struggle with intimacy and trust. Healing your inner child transforms your relationships, helping you communicate your needs, establish healthy boundaries, and connect with others from a place of wholeness rather than woundedness.

Reclaiming Your Authentic Self - many of us learned to suppress our true selves in order to gain acceptance, love, or approval in childhood. We molded ourselves to fit into family dynamics, school expectations, or societal norms, often at the expense of our true desires and authenticity. Reconnecting with your inner child allows you to strip away the layers of conditioning and rediscover who you were before the world told you who to be. It’s an invitation to honour your true self, unapologetically and fully.

Moving Forward with Inner Peace and Confidence - when you form a loving relationship with your inner child, you create a solid foundation of inner peace. You no longer seek validation from external sources because you have learned to provide that love and reassurance for yourself. You navigate life with greater confidence, knowing that no matter what happens, you are capable of meeting your own emotional needs. You embrace life with an open heart, free from the burdens of the past.

Your inner child should not be ignored, shamed, or forgotten.They are a vital, tender part of you that holds both past wounds and immense potential for joy. By reconnecting, nurturing, and healing this part of yourself, you reclaim your wholeness. You step into a life of greater freedom, authenticity, and self-love - one where your past no longer controls you, but instead, empowers you.

You know the what (your inner child is) and you understand the why (you should connect with your inner child). What about the how? Let's explore that next...

How Is Your Inner Child Impacting Your Adult Life?

Your inner child is not just a distant memory of your past - they are a living, breathing aspect of your subconscious mind that continues to shape the way you think, feel, and behave in adulthood. Whether you realise it or not, the emotional experiences, beliefs, and patterns you developed as a child play a significant role in your present life. The wounds you carry, the love you received (or lacked), and the messages you absorbed all influence your relationships, self-worth, career, financial choices, and even your ability to experience joy.

By understanding how your inner child is impacting these areas of your life, you can begin to recognise patterns, heal past wounds, and move forward with greater clarity and empowerment. Now that you know the importance and power behind understanding the impact your inner child has on these areas in your adult life, let's consider each one and how your inner child may be influencing it.

Relationships: Attachment Styles, Boundaries, and Emotional Needs - your inner child plays a central role in how you connect with others, whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or even work dynamics. The way you learned to seek love, validation, and safety as a child likely mirrors how you engage in relationships as an adult.

For example, if you experienced inconsistency, neglect, or emotional unavailability from your caregivers, you may have developed an anxious or avoidant attachment style. This can manifest as fear of abandonment, clinginess, emotional detachment, or difficulty trusting others. If your inner child fears rejection or being unworthy of love, you might subconsciously sabotage relationships by pushing people away or choosing partners who reinforce your childhood wounds.

Tell me... Were you rewarded for being "the good child" who met others' needs at the expense of your own? If so, your inner child may struggle with setting boundaries, saying no, or prioritising your own emotional well-being. This may transpire into finding yourself stuck in codependent relationships, constantly seeking approval or fearing conflict.

Another way your inner child can impact your relationships is if you were shamed, as a child, for expressing emotions or you were taught that love had to be earned. If this was the case, your inner child may struggle to be emotionally open in relationships. You may also fear being seen, judged, or rejected, all of which will lead to you putting up walls or avoiding deep connections.

Healing your inner child in this area involves recognising unhealthy relationship patterns, practicing self-compassion, and learning that you are worthy of love... without the need to prove yourself or abandon your needs.

Self-Worth and Confidence: The Voice of Your Inner Critic - the way you see yourself today is deeply influenced by the messages you internalised in childhood. If you were frequently criticised, compared to others, or made to feel like you weren’t "enough," your inner child may still be carrying these limiting beliefs.

Many adults struggle with a harsh inner voice and monkey mind that tells them they're not smart enough, attractive enough, capable enough... and so on. This inner critic often originates from childhood experiences where love and approval felt conditional. If your inner child learned that they had to be perfect or successful to be valued, you might constantly push yourself to achieve - yet never feel truly satisfied or worthy.

Similarly, if mistakes were met with harsh criticism in your early years, you may struggle with perfectionism as an adult. Your inner child may fear that failure equates to being unworthy or unlovable, making it difficult for you to take risks or step outside your comfort zone.

Finally, if you were repeatedly told as a child, "You’re not good enough," or "You’ll never succeed," those messages may still be playing on a subconscious loop. As a result, your inner child may be holding you back from opportunities, struggling with imposter syndrome, or sabotaging your own success because deep down, you don’t believe you deserve it.

Healing in this area involves re-parenting yourself through offering the kindness, encouragement, and unconditional love that your inner child always needed. When you nurture self-worth from within, confidence grows organically and naturally.

Career and Finances: Money Mindset and Professional Growth - your relationship with success, financial stability, and career fulfillment is heavily influenced by childhood experiences. If your inner child holds fears, insecurities, or scarcity-based beliefs, they may be actively shaping your financial decisions and professional aspirations.

Did you grow up in an environment where money was a source of stress? If so, your inner child may still carry an underlying fear of financial instability. This can lead to either a scarcity mindset such as constantly worrying about money, even when you have enough, or reckless behaviour around money and finances such as overspending or avoiding financial responsibility.

What about if you were discouraged from standing out as a child? Perhaps you were told not to "dream too big" or get 'too big for your boots'. If so, your inner child may still fear stepping into leadership roles or pursuing ambitious goals. You might struggle with self-doubt, procrastination, or a reluctance to fully embrace your talents.

A child who was only praised for achievements may now equate subconsciously self-worth with productivity. This can lead to overworking, chronic stress, an inability to slow down, and burnout, as your inner child constantly seeks external validation through accomplishments.

Healing your relationship with money and career starts with recognising the subconscious beliefs driving your actions. Shifting from a mindset of lack to one of abundance, embracing self-worth beyond achievements, and allowing yourself to pursue fulfilling work can help break unhealthy cycles.

Your Ability to Experience Joy, Playfulness, and Creativity - one of the most beautiful aspects of childhood is the ability to experience life with a sense of wonder, imagination, and pure joy. Yet, for many adults, the inner child has been silenced by responsibility, stress, and societal expectations.

If, as a child, you were taught that being "serious" and "responsible" was more important than having fun, you may find that you have suppress your playful side because you associate fun with immaturity or you feel guilty when engaging in hobbies that don’t produce tangible results. Your inner child longs to dance, explore, laugh, and create - without needing permission.

If you were ever criticised as a child for expressing yourself, whether it was through art, music, writing, or imaginative play, you may struggle with creativity as an adult. You might fear that your work isn’t "good enough" or hesitate to express yourself freely.

FInally, children naturally live in the moment, fully immersed in their experiences. If you were conditioned to always anticipate the next problem or constantly seek approval, your influencing inner child may struggle to slow down and enjoy the present moment. For example, you may feel guilty for resting, struggle to relax, or find yourself numbing emotions instead of fully experiencing them.

Healing this aspect of your inner child involves giving yourself permission to play, explore, and embrace creativity without judgment. Whether it’s through dance, art, music, or simply allowing yourself to be silly, reconnecting with joy is a vital part of inner child healing.

Your inner child is not just a distant memory - they are an active part of you that influences how you live, love, and experience the world. By acknowledging, nurturing, and healing this vital aspect of yourself, you unlock a deeper sense of joy, freedom, and self-acceptance.

Healing your inner child is not about blaming the past, it's about reclaiming your power in the present. It is a journey of self-discovery and love - one that leads to a more fulfilling and authentic life.