the secret sauce in coping with change

If nothing else, life is full of change; some anticipated, the rest completely unexpected.

With change, be it the end of a relationship, moving house, a decline in your health, a career shift, the emotional toll can be heavy. When you’re riding the emotional rollercoaster of change it can become all too easy to fall into negative behaviour such as self-criticism or harsh self-judgement.

However, it doesn’t have to be this way. There is a powerful tool, a secret sauce that can help you cope with and navigate change. And that tool, that secret sauce is self-compassion.

According to psychologist, pioneering researcher and teacher of self-compassion, Kristin Neff, self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, care, and understanding that you would offer to a close friend facing a difficult situation: “Self-compassion motivates like a good coach, with kindness, support, and understanding, not harsh criticism”.

When self-compassion is practiced during the challenging times so often associated with expected or unexpected change, it can ease emotional pain, reduce stress, and help you feel more grounded as you adapt to the new circumstances associated with the change being experienced.

When change happens in your life, it’s all too easy and all too common to fall into negative behaviour such as self-judgement. Often this rears its head through negative self-talk, repeating phrases to yourself such as, “I should be handling this better” or “I’m not strong enough/capable enough/good enough to get through this” or “What if I fail?”

When you plunge into such negative self-talk, it only deepens your sense of emotional turmoil, making it even harder to move forward. However, when you choose to practice self-compassion, you’ll discover that you’re much more capable of countering these harsh, judgemental words with kindness, patience, and understanding.

This, in turn, can lead to:

• Reduced emotion suffering because self-compassion encourages you to accept and validate your feelings rather than suppress them.

• Promote resilience because self-compassion helps you bounce back from setbacks much more quickly, ensuring you’re less likely to stay stuck in negativity and making it easier for you to adapt to the change arising in your life.

• Improve your self-esteem because self-compassion invites you to view yourself as deserving of love and care regardless of the circumstances, rather than getting you to focus on your perceived shortcomings.

• Increase self-awareness because practicing self-compassion enables you to better understand your emotional needs during change and take proactive steps to nurture yourself.

As, no doubt, you’ve already experienced through your own personal encounters with change, the emotional impact can be heavy. However, when you choose to practice self-compassion throughout the challenging time of change, it can lift the heaviness, the dark cloud of uncertainty, fear, dread that so often accompanies change.

However, when you practice self-compassion, acknowledge and honour your feelings, and treat yourself with the same kindness you would a friend in need, you can begin to reduce the emotional burden and overwhelm associated with change.

Remember, change is a natural part of life, it’s something we all experience, it’s something we cannot avoid. By being kinder to yourself, not only will you navigate change with greater ease, you'll also come out the other side of change, stronger, more resilient, and more connected to your own inner strength.